I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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