Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
