I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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