he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
