What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
