ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
