He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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