I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
