The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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