Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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