I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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