shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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