I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
