Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
