We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
