booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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