You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Maybe he injected his testicle?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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