I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
