i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize