she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Oh god it's open bar.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
