he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
