let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He has the fingertips of a God
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