just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I have fence marks all over my body
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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