I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
