Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
