i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
