too bad you live with your parents still
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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