I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
