They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
