I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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