Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
