Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
