No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
