OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
