I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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