I want to have your abortion
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
