I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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