The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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