she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
