Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
