Me. At least after what I've been through.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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