two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
