Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
