You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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