At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
