Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
