garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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