I puked a lego.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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