dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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