I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
