i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize