Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
