my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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